FUCK…

i know i should visit. i know that i shouldn’t just sit and do nothing..

i should be there!! but i just can’t… i can’t go, and see her like that.. i just can’t

and i feel so bad for not being strong enough to go, and i feel so guilty about it!

i should be able to visit her! FUCK! i am such a coward..

i really don’t know why i can’t go.. and it’s not because i don’t want to, because i do!! and it’s not because i don’t want to see her in that state of vulnerability.. it’s because i can’t see her like that and act like everything is ok, like everything is fine. i’ll break down and start panicking and you know she already has her plate full and she can’t have more weight on her shoulder.. and it’s not like she’s telling me to visit her. she doesn’t even talk about her, which makes me feel more guilty.

i can’t go… shit..

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6 Responses to “FUCK…”


  1. 1 N. August 20, 2007 at 9:31 am

    You can go, you’re doing this for her and not for yourself. If you step up and make the move then you will provide her with support. If you feel like you’re going to break down then take a deep breath, and pray in your heart. Supporting her, and being there is much more powerful than what you feel when you’re thinking of her. I dunno if it makes sense.

    Matshof shar enshalla.

  2. 2 "GreY" August 20, 2007 at 10:03 am

    I think your blog is being hacked ? Cz check the safat its in some other language and even on my google reader its showing the same language ,but if you click on it is transferred to wordpress …. or have i gone crazy ? i need to sleep !

  3. 3 TAT August 20, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    You should go, even though it’s hard nothing would make her more happy than knowing you are there with her

  4. 4 l's brain August 22, 2007 at 11:37 pm

    I know how you feel. It’s so hard but u’ll feel much better after you see her.

  5. 5 cixousianpanic August 23, 2007 at 12:15 am

    if you cant go … then dont go. i know what you’re talking about and i don’t recommend going if you know you cant handle it ;/

  6. 6 MishMisha August 24, 2007 at 8:49 pm

    .: N. :.
    shar ma eyeek 🙂

    .: “GreY” :.
    no it’s all fine, it was me who posted that, it was a song and i did it by mistake. but thanks for your concern 🙂

    .: TAT :.
    i know i should go. and even if i did she wouldn’t notice it, she’s semi-comatose, you know? the lights are on but nobody’s home..

    .: l’s brain :.
    i would love to believe that, but i don’t..

    .: cixousianpanic :.
    thanks 🙂


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