HAPPY BIRTHDAY LULU!!

as of today it’s my best friends birthday!! (madri laish bes i kept typing wedding.. and i constantly kept deleting it. weird!)

she’s 17 today! one more year and you get to drive! well you get the license and i get to do everything else, since you don’t know where anything is… oh well!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!!!

on another note: this will be the last wednesday that’s going to be a weekend… i’m so going to miss wednesdayzz :’(

Do You Want Me To Say “Ta-Da” To Make It Seem More Like A Trick?

* ok so my 2 brothers and dad just went on a little vacation an hour ago and now the house is all mine!!! i mean my eldest (oldest? i’m not sure) brother ‘joos’ doesn’t spend anytime in the house.. either he’s at work or the other place which i cannot name and my sister is the same.. either she’s at work or upstairs in her room doing god knows what! and ma mah! is asleep the whole day (she’s that kind of mother.. who stays up the whole night watching old arabic movies and sleeps til 6 p.m) anyway, sleeps the whole day and goes to the hospital when she wakes up. so that’s basically just me in the house!! which so rocks!!

*^ been playing scrabble alot lately.. and i just kicked my brothers’ ass before he went to the airport! it’s just mind blowing what words you make up and when you check the dictionary you actually find out that it’s actually a word!!

*^@ tomorrow is my best friends’ birthday!! yaaaaay! frex yal chalba get ready for that great ride!!

*^@! i’ve been reading invictus alot lately.. don’t know why.. but i still think it’s beautiful

*^@!% so i’ve been counting the times i’ve cussed for a week!! and i’m ashamed to write the times i’ve sweared.. i really need to cut back on the cussing… LOL!! i actually almost believed that i would do that LOL! so i need to know if you want me to post it or not.. cause i really don’t wanna seem like a whore

*^@!%& remember this? yeah everytime we get to that street, i look at my right and expect to see a car coming towards me.. is that fucked up or what?

*^@!%&$ does anybody know where i can get these shoes? i’ve been looking everywhere!! i really want them :/

 *^@!%&$# and i’m off to bed *yawn* ^_^ v

The Reason Why John Steinbeck Is My Favorite Author…

• “The writer must believe that what he is doing is the most important thing in the world. And he must hold to this illusion even when he knows it is not true.”

• “Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass.”

• “Where does discontent start? You are warm enough, but you shiver. You are fed, yet hunger gnaws you. You have been loved, but your yearning wanders in new fields. And to prod all these there’s time, the Bastard Time.”

• “This I believe: That the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual.”

• “We are lonesome animals. We spend all our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say — and to feel — ”Yes, that’s the way it is, or at least that’s the way I feel it. You’re not as alone as you thought.””

• “As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. Then gradually time awakened again and moved sluggishly on.” –of Mice and Men

• “I have named the destroyers of nations: comfort, plenty, and security – out of which grow a bored and slothful cynicism, in which rebellion against the world as it is, and myself as I am, are submerged in listless self-satisfaction”

• “I hold that a writer who does not passionately believe in the perfectibility of man has no dedication nor any membership in literature.”

• “In human affairs of danger and delicacy successful conclusion is sharply limited by hurry. So often men trip by being in a rush. If one were properly to perform a difficult and subtle act, he should first inspect the end to be achieved and then, once he had accepted the end as desirable, he should forget it completely and concentrate solely on the means. By this method he would not be moved to false action by anxiety or hurry or fear. Very few people learn this.” –East of Eden

• “In the hearts and minds of the people, the grapes of wrath were growing heavy for the vintage.” –The Grapes of Wrath

• “After the bare requisites of living and reproducing, man wants most to leave some record of himself, a proof, perhaps, that he has really existed. He leaves his proof on wood, on stone, or on the lives of other people. This deep desire exists in everyone, from the boy who scribbles on a wall to the Buddha who etches his image in the race mind. Life is so unreal. I think that we seriously doubt that we exist and go about trying to prove that we do.” –The Pastures of Heaven

• “For the world was changing, and sweetness was gone, and virtue too. Worry had crept on a corroding world, and what was lost–good manners, ease and beauty? Ladies were not ladies anymore, and you couldn’t trust a gentleman’s word… Oh, strawberries don’t taste as they used to and the thighs of women have lost their clutch!” –East of Eden

FUCK…

i know i should visit. i know that i shouldn’t just sit and do nothing..

i should be there!! but i just can’t… i can’t go, and see her like that.. i just can’t

and i feel so bad for not being strong enough to go, and i feel so guilty about it!

i should be able to visit her! FUCK! i am such a coward..

i really don’t know why i can’t go.. and it’s not because i don’t want to, because i do!! and it’s not because i don’t want to see her in that state of vulnerability.. it’s because i can’t see her like that and act like everything is ok, like everything is fine. i’ll break down and start panicking and you know she already has her plate full and she can’t have more weight on her shoulder.. and it’s not like she’s telling me to visit her. she doesn’t even talk about her, which makes me feel more guilty.

i can’t go… shit..

Your Lips, My Ass, They Should Meet…

—i’ve been playing kout alot lately.. and i’ve been kicking ass!

—–been getting writers’ block. it’s not really writers block. i have a story or whatever i normally write lined up, it’s just that i don’t know *how* to write it… does that make sense??

—i’ve been invited to be interviewed for a book, don’t know if it’s legit or not. although i’ve checked the website and all.. still confused though :/

—–i’m sooo missing my bitches!!! i’m constantly being reminded by you guys..

—i’ve been wanting to see a few movies lately.. like toy story, mars attack, three men and a baby, ace ventura and the bone collector.

—–i’ve been talking from the 70’s for a while. i have no idea what’s wrong wit me!! i’ve been saying things like: narly, rad, groovy and many more… i need help.

—i’ve been going out with my friend alot, and we’ve been going out wit their driver, and his brakes!! bin ga7ba!!! i mean wtf!! they suck ass!! damn! he’s a terrible driver!

—–so i have this sofa bed in my room. and i don’t know why, but i’ve been sleeping on it. there’s nothing wrong wit my bed. it’s just i don’t sleep in my bed.

—i started to count how many times i cuss, i’ll post it by this time next week.

—–i wanna play basketball!!

—i miss my brothers!!!

—–i’ve run out of things to say.

Do You Want To Know What The Worst Thing About Life Is?

Timing. Sometimes its timing is shit.

Frequently Heard Songs

Jack’s Mannequin – The Mixed Tape

Diddy Feat. Mario Winans – Through The Pain (She Told Me)

Daft Punk – Around The World

Timbaland Feat. The Hives – Throw It On Me

Timbaland Feat. Keri Hilson, D.O.E. & Sebastian – The Way I Are

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony Feat. Mariah Carey and Bow Wow – Lil Love

Plain White T’s – Take Me Away

Carlos Santana Feat. Musiq – Nothing At All

Common – The 6th Sense

Edwin McCain – I’ll Be

Rainy day

I can’t hear anything. Not even my own thoughts, as the headphones keep on blaring lyrics and beats to my ears, deafening everything that surrounds me. Numbing me from everything. And I don’t know if that’s a thing that I appreciate.

Something catches my attention in the corner of my eye. I turn my head towards the window as I catch the ending of a flash of lightning. I fold the corner of the page from the book I’m reading. I take off the headphones and hear rain. I hadn’t realized it was raining. I walk to the window and my eyes widen at the strength of it. Was I really that engrossed into my reading that I didn’t notice the rain? Or was the music that loud that I couldn’t hear it? I turn my head towards my iPod and I can hear the music. It’s loud to the point where I can hear the music clearly. I guess the reason is that the music was too loud.

I turn and head to the door. Not bothering to stop the music and the book is long forgotten.

I get to the living room and I see my mother at the front door. Praying, with raindrops falling at her feet. The sight of it is spectacular. My mom whispering prayers with rain falling at her feet so heavily and so loud that the sound of the rains’ echoes over rides her whispers.

A small smile is on my face as I leave her alone and open the back door, just as I thought. My little brother is outside and jumping around laughing his head off and telling my older brother to pick him up and twirl him around.

I close the door quietly and… What the?? Oh my god. Seriously??

I open the door again and see my brother holding my younger brother and singing “rain drops keep falling on my head” and trust me. It’s not good. He should definitely *not* be a singer. I laugh as he continues singing off key and the little squirt laughs at him.

I close the door again and head for the roof. My little hide away when it’s raining. As I’m positive no one would be there and it would have the best view ever.

I open the door and just as I expected. I’m alone. At least for the time being, I walk to the farthest wall and slide against the wet wall until I’m on the ground with my legs crossed.

I’m completely wet now. And I’m pretty sure I’d get sick for this. But it’s totally worth it.

I can still hear the little brat screaming and laughing in the rain. Now I hear my mom telling him to get inside before his little butt catches pneumonia. I rest my head against the wall and let the rain wash over me. Cleansing me with its purity.

Looking around me, everything seems so different. But it’s not different at all. It all seems different. It feels different. What the hell does that mean?

It’s like I’m seeing things from a new point of view. Like the person living behind my eyes isn’t me. This isn’t making any sense… I sigh and realize how fucked up I am.

It’s getting stronger and the drops are getting heavier. But that doesn’t change a thing to me. The door opens and my older brother steps onto the roof already wet. I smile mischievously at him.

“Rain drops keep falling on your head, huh?”

“Don’t. I already got it from mom. I don’t need it from you.”

“What the hell were you thinking? Were you trying to make him go deaf or something?” I ask him as he sits next to me.

“I don’t know. It just felt like a good idea…” he says as he rest his head against the wall and takes a deep breath.

“Well don’t ever feel that way again, ok?” He gives me the finger at that without looking at me. I chuckle and tell him how mature that is.

At that moment my older sister arrives and starts telling him how she heard mom tell her about his singing debut and asked him for his autograph while laughing her ass off. I lower my head and laugh silently at that when his patience ran out.

He stood up and went for her and they started running with her screaming and laughing at him when he almost slipped. And I’m just sitting here at the wall laughing at them and wondering how this just happened.

At this poin- OH! hahahaha she just fell on her ass! hahahaha ok I shouldn’t be laughing at that. She could’ve been hurt. hehe…

He told her he wouldn’t do anything anymore. Since she fell and would have a bruise on her ass for what she did. And told her how we had to love karma… hehe

God, I love rainy days…

Todays Thorns Are Tomorrow’s Roses

The day was grim, silent and chaotic at the same time, a subtle wind ruffling peoples’ hair. And blowing away scarves and paper plates and napkins that are too many to count. Yep it was grim all right.

I walk aimlessly through the park not having a destination in mind and not bothering to care where I’m going. Looking around me, I see things that I’ve seen all my life. And I try to see what no one has been able to see. I try to find the beauty in the ugliness that surrounds me. I need more time to find it than the time that I care to give.

I keep walking until I reach an old bench that overlooks the lake. Thinking nothing of it I sit down and stare ahead at the lake. The wind has slowed down and people are starting to leave for some reason that’s unknown to me. I shrug my shoulders and look at the little ducks and swans in the lake swimming and doing god knows what. I see a little baby duck go under with a couple others. They all come out but that one didn’t. I wait. It’s still under. How long can ducks hold their breaths? I start to panic as the baby duck has been under for about 3 minutes. I start to wonder if I should tell someone about this. But I completely erase that thought. What would they do? Give it CPR? More yet what would they say to me? They’d think I’m completely crazy.

At last the duck comes up and let out a sigh. It seems oblivious to the amount of time it had been under water, and about my worrying about it. I laugh at myself. I was actually worried about a baby duck!

Something flashes at me and I turn and see a man with a camera in his hand. He just smiles and sits next to me. I scoot a little to give him some space, as he was a little too close for comfort.

“I’m sorry. It looked too good and I had to take a picture.” while smiling softly.

“Sure,” I reply silently

We stay silent for a little while. He keeps fidgeting and I keep thinking of my life and everything that surrounds it. I can feel him looking over my shoulder now and lift his camera. A flash comes and he sighs happily.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asks me.

I look at him and he points to my right. I turn my head and I see twin trees that are bare from its’ leaves, all the leaves surrounding them at the ground with the beautiful colors of brown, orange and yellow. With their reflections in the lake make them look breathtaking. This little description doesn’t even come close to giving it any justice.

“Definitely”

And it was.

Funny Video Of The Month :P

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