It’s a beautiful day outside. And I’m sitting here out of your sight looking at you, trying to mesmerize you. I’m paying attention to every little detail on your face; your eyes, your mouth, your cheekbones and the little mole above your mouth. It’s all ingrained into my memory.Tears come to my eyes when I realize that this would be the closest I would ever be. I’ve already said goodbye to you, and I’ve already cried. I’ve already done everything that I would be expected to do in my situation. I’ve cried so much, but I still can’t stop the tears from falling. I’m not that girl who cries all the time, but for the death of me I can’t stop.
I see you smiling and laughing with them. They all came to say goodbye and wish you luck. And all I’m doing is sitting at the corner table staring at you and trying not to cry, and even that is becoming a losing battle.
You seem to be happy, you’re full of smiles and laughter, but there’s sadness in your eyes. And I can’t help but wonder if it’s because you wish I were there with you; saying goodbye with everybody else, providing you with a hug every time you wanted one, just like your mother is doing now.
I fix me gaze into anything other than you, overwhelmed by emotion. I look at everybody else in the terminal. They’re all the same. Doing the same damn thing. I can easily see you in everybody; see your circumstances, sadness and excitement in all their faces. I wonder if I can find myself here. Whether it’s a girl or a boy, somebody going through the same thing as I am. I try to find someone, but all I see is you. It’s just as well; maybe it’s because I only see what I want to see. And right now all I want to see is you.
I turn to look at you again, and you’re looking at me. You seem surprised that I’m here, and to tell you the truth I don’t know why I’m even here. I just needed to see you one last time and commit you to my memory. They’re talking to you, telling you something, probably advising you about something. But you don’t seem to hear them. You don’t seem to notice anything. She takes your face in her hands and makes you see her, but you still don’t see nor hear her, she’s not there, is she? Nobody’s there. You only see me, don’t you?
You try to mouth something, and I give you a big watery smile. We get back to earth as they announce your flight. And oh god this is it. The moment is finally here. Your family gives you more hugs and kisses and well wishes, and all this time you’re staring at me. Trying to tell me something with your eyes, and they tell me everything I need to know.
I give you an encouraging nod and muster up my best smile while inside I’m crumbling into pieces of a puzzle, that only you can put back together. And all I can do is hope that you buy what I’m trying to do.
Your mother turns her head and sees me. She looks at me, and then she looks at you, and looks at me again. While all this time your looking at me for guidance and you have no clue that your mother knows that I’m there; That I exist, That you’ve fallen.
She gives me a soft smile with a nod; we have something in common now. We both know what it feels like to see our loved one leave.
Again we hear them saying that the plane is boarding, you bend to pick up your carry on bag that I know has your iPod, laptop, a book and a picture along with everything you need at the airport. I know that because you asked me what I would put in my carry on and you did the same. I bend to pick up my purse at the same time as you turn to go.
I promised you I’d wait for you, and I would wait forever if I had to. And I can only hope that when you come back to me, you’d still want the same things you want now.
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